i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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