I looked at my own cervix.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
