There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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