my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
