I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
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tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!