i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.