Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
