so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
