I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
