Already got asked if we're dating
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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