Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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