I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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