Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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