2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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