maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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