meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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