Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
