I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
