I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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