Me too!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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