It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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