i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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