were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
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What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
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my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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