my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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