im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
