Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
