You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
tell me about the eggs
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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