billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
