She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
