bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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