people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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