Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
if only i could text you this smell
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
