what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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