My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
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well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
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I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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