I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
