My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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