My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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