I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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