Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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