He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize