Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
