Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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