Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
