ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just cropdusted the office
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Randomize
