That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Sober January is a disaster.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
