He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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