I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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