i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
