All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
