i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
