I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
