he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
