I am in a vortex of obligation.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize