am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
