I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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