i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
