the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
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Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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