someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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