There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize