clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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