I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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