I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
