Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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