my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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