Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
