we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Farmville is her only friend.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
