Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
