with your own penis?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize