I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
