So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
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im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
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Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.