btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.