I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
