Someone shit on the floor
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
