Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
