so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We are two peas in an std pod
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
