I smell stomach acid.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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