No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
