Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
