I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
