Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
