If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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